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Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Marriage and Love

I read this somewhere, it's really interesting and meaningful ...

Every relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It is the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages break down. People blame their spouse if their unhappiness and look outside of their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could . And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. LOVE is not a mystery.

There are specific things that you can do ( with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable ... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is a "decision" ... not just a feeling.

1 Comments:

Blogger Eric Chia said...

there's something like this that you have mentioned in communications studies (i know i'm not a communications major but i'm minoring on that)...

anyways, it's true not just for marriages, any kind of human-human relationships involves a balance of tension and compression. sometimes you feel close to someone but at other times it's the two of you arguing--this is how life works, i guess...

3:14 PM  

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